OhMyGoodGod WHATTHEHELLISTHAT?

Pottering around on a Sunday evening getting ready for bed and suddenly I see SOMETHING legging it through the kitchen.

It was brown and quite big so my first thought was scorpion (am on high scorp lookout as my neighbour had one last night).

Scary enough. But no as I looked closer it wasn’t a bloody scorp. It was a big hairy spider and even from a distance I could see it’s damn teeth.

Mr Cat who had been plodding beside me until then took one look and turned tail bolting out the door (thanks).

So, naturally, I started screaming. For five minutes. But nobody came to rescue me so it was me against the THING which having shot around the kitchen at remarkable speed was trying to get under the cooker BUT COULDN’T AS IT WAS TOO BIG!

My VSO survival training kicked in. So I tried to open a forum with it to discuss mutually beneficial outcomes, how I might advocate for its marginalised position and – most importantly – stick bits of paper on flipcharts. But no luck.

My homo sapien survival instinct kicked it and I whacked it with a pot. This knocked off one of it’s front leg-things but only seemed to make it angrier. With no option but chemical weapons I DOOM’d it a few times (which seemed to have the desired effect), hit it again and put a jug over it.

Once it was (I hope) dead I was able to transfer it into an empty jar of Koo Dill Gerkins (that I keep around for just such an occasion).

Camel Spider in Opuwo, Dear in a Jar

Get a load of that BAD BOY. See it’s teeth? The MASSIVE F**KING TEETH?

Anyway once I was able to operate a computer (and incidentally the cat came back in like nothing had happened) Google told me it was a Camel Spider.

Wikipedia in its usual haughty tones told me it was in fact a Soligufae and not even a spider at all.

Apparently they’re not poisonous but cause a nasty “ragged wound” with their bite which is highly prone to infection. And also of course cause heart attacks when they run through your kitchen.

They seem to be the source of many urban legends about their nastiness which I can understand given that IT LOOKS SO BLOODY SCARY. It’s hairy. And massive. WITH HUGE TEETH! DID I MENTION THE TEETH?

Have to double-shake everything out tonight. And tomorrow. And the day after that. In fact FOREVER.

Here are some more pics of it in the jar for your delight. Sorry the quality is bad but it was in a jar and I am not taking it out in case it comes back to life. What’s worse than a Camel Spider? A Zombie Camel Spider pissed off with you for killing it with DOOM of course.

Camel Spider in Opuwo - in the Jar

Ok maybe not as scary looking in that picture. But this one…

Camel Spider in Opuwo - Closeup

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